Hollywood’s Newest Entourage

Jump to Comments

With Manny Ramirez’s recent departure to the west coast, I started to wonder if Entourage creator and die-hard Sox Mark Wahlberg recast Entourage with Dodgers who have New England ties who would play who. First, I needed to figure out the characters I wanted to compare, I decided to keep it to the big four: Vince, Drama, E, and Turtle. The more I thought about it, the more I started second guessing myself on who would play who. After banging my head against the desk 11 or 12 times, I finally was able to put together a solid cast. Without farther ado, I proudly introduce the new and improved (I know it’s a cliche, but whatever if Mark Wahlberg wants to buy my idea then I’ll rewrite it) Entourage.

For the role of Vince, I’ve come to the forgone conclusion that Nomar would be the best Dodger for the role mainly due to the fact that both of them are pretty boys. Regardless, if Nomar has a crappy game or Vince releases a shit movie, girls will still love them and they both will get countless marriage proposals by crazed fans.

Then you have Johnny Drama, now this one was a little difficult, eventually I came to the conclusion that Andruw Jones would make a great Drama. I know what you’re thinking, how does Andruw Jones have New England roots. This one was a bit of a reach, but my reasoning was Andruw Jones played for the Atlanta Braves who were originally the Boston Braves, so there’s your Boston connection. In the past both Drama and Jones were leading men and had great success, Drama with Viking Quest and Jones’ days with the Braves in the 90’s. Now, they’re both are having dismal careers and it’s only a matter of time before no one wants to hire them.

Although they may not have the same physical attributes, I’d imagine that Derek Lowe would make a great Eric Murphy. Both of them never get to be Batman and are always content with being Robin. Back on the east coast D-Lo was second fiddle to Nomar and the same went for E and Vince. Secondly, there’s always another girl, for Lowe it was Dodger Dugout anchor Carolyn Hughes, whom Lowe left his wife for.

Carolyn Hughes 

I hope it was worth years of alimony and child support

E’s girl problems always seem to be that he’s in love with his ex-girlfriend. E should just take a page out of Stephen Stills’ playbook when he said , “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with”(If that doesn’t get me any girls by showing off my sensitive side, I guess I’d better start lifting weights). 

Then you got Manny being Turtle. This was probably the easiest one to settle on because they are both lazy bastards and they each have one quality that if you took it away they would be pumping gas somewhere. For Manny that trait is his bat because we know he isn’t getting paid for his hustle or fielding ability. And Turtle’s quality is solely the fact that Vince has yet to get sick of him (It’s only a matter of time).

My main reasoning for casting Manny as Turtle is Turtle’s passion for smoking weed (I use the word passion because that is the only word strong enough to describe Turtle’s relationship with weed). During Manny’s tenure in Boston, the fans and media alike have suspected Manny of smoking the wacky tobacky. Although there is no hard evidence we all have our suspicions, come on, what do you think Manny was always doing inside the Green Monster (Which was also the name of his bong). Now that Manny is out in California don’t be surprised when you see Manny walking out of a Medical Marijuana Club. I can already hear Manny making some excuse about sore knees. I guess that’s just Manny being Turtle.

1 Comment

Filed under Red Sox

Tags: Bong, Boston, D-Lo, Dodgers, Entourage, HBO, Los Angeles, Manny, Mark Wahlberg, Nomar, Red Sox, Weed